Random spools of thoughts.


Up till now I realise that I am still more inclined towards my father. I have no idea why I find it easier to click with him, and this has been the case since I was young.

Some say a father is a daughter's first man in her life, a daughter's first boyfriend. It is likewise for mothers and sons.

I know this sounds cliche and overused, but I have realised suddenly that my father has aged quite a bit, as I've never taken a proper look at him in a long time. He tends to forget things more often, gets more clumsy in his actions. I find myself holding his arm when we go out, just in case he loses balance and falls down.


Why does it take a death to make us learn how little we are cherishing the people around us? I may appear like superwoman on the outside, but I think my weak point is the issue of death.

I've gone through a few deaths in my entire life, and the people in mention were either not close to me or those whom I don't remember much about. Maybe this could explain why the issue of death feels so surreal to me. We read or hear about death statistics often, and to us the statistics are just numbers.

I have listened to a human sociology tutor talk about her experience in coping with her father's death, and I can't put my finger on the emotions I felt at that point of time. It was almost as if something in me died a little when she told us her story.

" ... As I was very,very close to my father, I didn't take his death very well. I was so affected,both physically and emotionally, I had to be hospitalised and couldn't return to work for a few months. To me, not having my dad around was too much to bear, because he was the man I talked to almost everyday, and I loved my father very much. My mother didn't know how to help me get out of my grief, other than to take care of me at the hospital. "



My tutor's story struck a chord with me, because we are similar in that aspect. I thought to myself : If I were her, I'd lose the will to live if it happened to me. I couldn't even bear to think about it.



I also realise that I haven't cried in almost a year... hmmmm. Nothing worth crying over anymore, really. I have come to a certain point in life whereby I rather be realistic and try to deal with the issue on hand than cry over it.

Labels: daddy, death, fathers, life issues